What is the Point?

This week’s Torah portion, Hai Sarah חַיֵּי שָׂרָה (The Life of Sarah), covers Genesis 23:1–25:18. I always find it striking that the portion is named for Sarah’s life, yet it opens with the announcement of her death. Death always brings up the ultimate question into our minds: "What is the point of life anyway?" It is only through death that life makes sense. I’ve also noticed a recurring pattern during this week each year: God often draws my attention to death through events happening around me. It may be a "coincidence", after all, people pass away every day, but perhaps I’m simply more aware, more attuned to the subject during this particular part of the year. Over the last several years, I’ve lost people dear to me around this time, which has sharpened my sense of life’s brevity. This year, however, the person who "died" was me. Let me explain:

Last night, I had one of the most vivid dreams I’ve experienced in a long time. For quite a while this morning, lying in bed, I genuinely couldn’t tell whether it had actually happened or if it had only been a dream. That’s how real it felt. Of course, I now know it wasn’t real. After all, I’m still here, and there’s no physical evidence that anything actually occurred. In my dream, I got up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom, as I often do. But this time, I stood up too quickly, got dizzy, and collapsed onto the bathroom floor. As I fell, my head struck the edge of the marble tub with a force that echoed inside my skull—a sensation eerily similar to the time I dove into the shallow end of a pool in my youth and nearly drowned. Suddenly, I found myself hovering above my lifeless body, which lay in a pool of blood on the tiles. As I drifted upward, my life flashed before me, and I was struck by how fragile—and how futile—so much of it had been. The financial worries, the insecurities, the anxieties that once felt so heavy revealed themselves as meaningless distractions from life’s one true purpose.

What happens after we die? Do you feel secure? What is the point of life?

These are things I think about in everyday life, but in this dream—this vision—they were undeniable. Solid. Permanent. In a moment that may have lasted seconds yet felt like eternity, I understood that the only thing that truly matters is what I have done for Christ. I knew that only what I surrendered to Him would matter. Would count. My fear in the end was that what I had done wasn't enough. And yet, even in that realization, I felt a deep inner peace. I knew that Jesus would bridge the vast gap between the life I’ve lived and the life God calls His creation to live. I don’t recall how the dream ended. I only know that I woke up this morning with no trace of blood, no evidence of a fall, nothing at all. It was as if I’d had a near-death experience without the death. Through this dream or vision, whichever it was.

Now that I realized it was indeed a dream, I felt somewhat relieved. Still, the impact that dream left on me was real. I don’t know how long this sudden sense of “wisdom” will last or what God’s purpose was in giving me such a vivid experience. All I know is that it felt worth sharing. You see, lately I’ve been wrestling through some spirals in my life and faith. I think all of us go through these seasons, moments when we second-guess ourselves and wonder if we’re still walking the right path. Just last week, I wrote about how messy life can get, and the response I got from you all was overwhelming, because that mess is something everyone can relate to. These real experiences are what most people can and do relate to. This is because we all know what it’s like to feel powerless in the face of circumstances we can’t control. These are the winters of our spiritual lives. The stretches where nothing seems to align, where problems feel magnified, and where we feel alone, sometimes even distant from the Father. And I’m learning that it’s important to walk through these seasons just as honestly as we walk through seasons of peace and victory. People need to know that this human experience is shared and that believers struggle just as much as anyone else. It wouldn’t be genuine to talk only about blessings and triumphs without also acknowledging the darker valleys we all inevitably face. Sometimes, when we acknowledge our weaknesses, it is when Adonai uses us the most. In our weakness, the Spirit can be strong and impact the lives around us. It is a biblical principle:

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

As I face this season of doubt, struggle, and wrestling, I can do so knowing that He will not leave nor forsake me. I can do it knowing that Yeshua will see me through this. I am secured in His ever-loving arms. Because not even death can separate me from Christ:

"What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus, who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written: 'For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.' No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:31-39

This dream. This experience. Brought me so much peace that I cannot even express to you how I am feeling today. The feeling of isolation, doubt, and uncertainty about my beliefs has not diminished. The physical struggles with pain and symptoms of my failing health remain. What has diminished, however, is the fear of judgment. The fear of rejection from Adonai. Even if I can't get it quite perfectly. Even if I am mistaken. Even if I fail miserably. I know I am secured in His promise. I am made right with Adonai because of what Christ has ALREADY done on my behalf. The rest will be sorted out in due time. The Spirit will guide me and resolve my doubts. The Spirit will help me to do what is right in the end. For now, that is all I need. Even if I do die today, I feel secure in the God of my Salvation. Yeshua. His very name is Salvation.

I hope my message brought you some clarity today. I know it may be a bit cryptic and perhaps even incoherent today. I am doing my best to share what is going on inside me and around me. I pray the Spirit will reveal to you what I'm trying to convey with mere words. I can only pray that you may experience such freedom and joy as you seek the Creator God who made the heavens and the earth. Do not worry about these things. Everything will sort itself out in the end. Just enjoy knowing Him today and forever. Have a wonderful and blessed week, my beloved family. Shalom Ve'Shavuah Tov.

"Therefore, my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure, because you will not abandon me to the realm of the dead, nor will you let your faithful one see decay. You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand." Psalm 16:9-11