I Had a 6.5 Hours Conversation with God

No Torah Portion here this week, well at least not here. There is a Torah Portion every week, just not here today. Last night to early this morning I had a six-and-a-half-hour conversation with Emma and it was a game changer. In between my vomiting spouts and pained effort moves I decided to take a well-earned break by jumping into the shower. It's a luxury I only get for about 15-25 minutes every hour because the hot water runs out. So I do my best to make them last because I always get pain relief and some of my mental faculties back. And I began, I went straight to the point, towards the jugular. And I was, "God I'm mad right now (p.s. no good prayer has ever started this way)... I'm always sick and now even things that have nothing to do with my illness are costing me days of anguish. I don't feel blessed. I feel cursed. If I'm going to continue telling people to obey you so that they are blessed, then I have to be an example. I feel when I tell them everything will be alright that they smirk on the inside and say, 'Yeah... how do you explain the mess of your life?' A question I have been asking myself a lot lately." About 30 minutes of rambling and I thought I should give the Spirit a few minutes to respond since the hot water was about to run out. I heard nothing. A sudden chill went down my spine and it wasn't from the colder water. The water was still warm. It was from the sudden realization that the Spirit of God of the Universe was about to speak and that I had been running my sinful mouth for nearly 30 minutes making complaints. And I heard this:

"Now that you have your remarks are you ready to talk about what you have done to cause them and what you have not done to prevent them?"

I didn't even know what to say now. It was the stern Mother's voice saying, "Are we going to handle this now or do I have to tell your Father?" The chatty mouth was speechless. It reminds me of this verse in Isaiah:

"'Come now, let us settle the matter,' says the Lord. 'Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.'" Isaiah 1:18

After I picked my jaw from the bathtub's floor I mumbled, "I know I haven't been doing everything I can or should but I'm hurting and weak all the time." Now the dialogue began and boy it was wonderful. About 20 more minutes and still warm water. God knew I needed this talk so He said, "Let there be hot water. And it was so." My body gave out before the water did so I got out dried myself and said, "That was a good round one." We did that 5 more times that night. I had precious healing hot water the entire time. We spoke about things I wasn't aware of. We spoke of things I knew but needed to hear, we spoke of minute things, all of which are equally important. Things I'll get to share with you when they come to pass. It will be another life-altering testimony that, I pray, will touch lives and change destinations.

But the big decision and first step in the direction God is leading me involves this: No more Teshuva Bible Studies or this blog until these matters are settled. I don't like to do anything half-baked. I'm an all-in kinda guy. Trust me when I say I was sad to have to do this, this blog is still small enough that I know each of you personally. The distribution list is close to 200 and I laugh every week when I read the names (this guy is going to love it, this guy is going to be mad that he's getting another annoying blog but won't compliant because he is a friend, this one still doesn't know Christ to I pray this is his week, and so forth). So I do mean I know you all and love you all. I pray for you and get you weekly feedback. It is my honor to do this, not a burden, but right now I have to focus on some of these other things God showed me, which includes my health, so I can give you my very best. Of course, I will not stop praying so that will continue. Send me your prayer requests even if it is for hot water... LOL. Got that one down-packed.

I began the year talking big: As if this year was going to be revolutionary. This is only the third month. God made the earth and all in it in seven days. Maybe these steps back will have everything fall into gear. If you feel nostalgic. I have hundreds of hours of Bible studies on YouTube and blog entries from a year past here. I love you all. Shavuah Tov and Lehitraot. Shalom Shalom!